I want to thank all of you who sent me so many educational e-mails & FB messages over the past year!

I will stop shaking hands with someone who has been driving because that email claimed that the number one pastime while driving alone is picking one’s nose...
I now keep my toothbrush in the living room, because someone kindly informed me that water splashes over 6 ft. out of the toilet...

I MUST ALSO SEND MY SPECIAL THANKS to whoever sent me the one about rat crap in the glue on envelopes I just bought at Office Depot...I keep getting complaints about the staples I use instead...
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who is about to die for the 1,387,258th time...

- $5,000 from Bill Gates/Microsoft
- the free trip for two to Walt Disney World or $5,000 cash from Disney
- free computers from IBM, and a free car from Honda, and
- all those gift certificates from places like Old Navy, Bath & Body Works, J. Crew, and Cracker Barrel!
I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa’s Novena has granted my every wish...

However, thanks to my FB "friends", I can help a sick child just by sharing her picture (the post includes a photograph of a young child in a hospital bed, & claims that every time her picture is shared, she will receive a $1 donation towards her medical expenses)...hope she's all better!
But, I no longer buy gas without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer doesn’t crawl in my back seat when I’m filling up...
THANKS TO ALL OF YOU I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

However, I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me... and...
I no longer receive packages from UPS or Fed Ex since they are actually Al Qaeda agents in disguise...

AND THANKS TO YOUR GREAT ADVICE I no longer garden because I’m afraid I’ll get bitten by the Violin Spider and my hand will fall off.
Now, if you don’t get least 144,000 people to read this in the next 30 minutes, you'll instantly look like Cher after her last face-lift, and the fleas from 120 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor’s ex-mother-in-law’s second husband’s cousin’s best friend . . .
You have been officially alerted....