In honor of the day, created by Hallmark in conjunction with Whitman's & the American Florists Association is my guess, the comedy team & I have found a few thoughts on love and marriage that pretty much it sum up, sans candy & flowers.
"Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand."
"I never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back."
Zsa Zsa Gabor
He was healthy right up to the time he killed himself."
"My brother is gay and my parents don’t care, as long as he marries a doctor."
"Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them."
"Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight."
...And submitted by listener Dave G:
"Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I can’t stand and give her
half my stuff."
She said . . . You wear pants don't you?
He said . . .Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said . . That's a good idea - you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa.
Written on a wall in a ladies room:
"My husband follows me everywhere"
Written just below it . . . " I do not"
Female......Any part under a car's hood.
Male.........The strap fastener on a woman's bra.
Female......Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male.........Playing football without a cup.
Female...The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male.... ..Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.
Female.......A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male..........Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.
Female......The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male.........Call it whatever you want just as long as we do it.
A. We don't know; it's never happened.
Q. Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good-looking?
A. They already have boyfriends.
Q. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A. A widow.
Q. Why are married women heavier than single women?
A. Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.